How to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman
How to be a Proverbs 31 Woman
What does it really mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman? I asked myself this when I first read all of Proverbs, not knowing that it ended in a passage describing what a Godly woman looks like. Then I started asking myself this again as I came across media detailing the actions of a Proverbs 31 woman. After re-reading, researching, and praying, I believe that I have finally found the answer to that question.
The Truth About the Proverbs 31 Woman
Through my research and just general observation of the Christian side of the media, I wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about the Proverbs 31 woman. The way it was being portrayed to me on platforms such as TikTok, Pinterest, and Instagram is that in order to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you have to do the following things:
– Make items from scratch (Clothing, linens, etc.)
– Wake up at 4:00 am
– Have a consistent workout schedule
– Keep things tidy (Her house, but also life in general)
– Keep a productive routine (With career, social life, etc.)
While I do think these traits and actions are inherently good and also what Proverbs 31 preaches:
“She makes bed coverings for herself” (Proverbs 31:22 ESV)
“She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household” (Proverbs 31:15 ESV)
… I think we have lost the plot of what Proverbs 31 is trying to teach followers of Christ.
The Intentions Behind Proverbs 31
In case this is unknown to those who are reading this, Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel’s mother. Proverbs 31 includes the words of advice King Lemuel’s mother taught him, but in a poetic form. This chapter was not written as an instruction manual for how to be a Godly woman, but instead was written as advice for men. Proverbs 31 teaches men the importance of cherishing a woman who shows that she fears God through her character, and the attributes that should come with that woman.
In my opinion, Proverbs 31 is not supposed to be a to-do list on how to be a woman who fears God, but rather what a Godly woman holds in her heart. From what I have observed, being a Proverbs 31 woman has been treated as a checklist of tasks that need to be completed to be considered a woman of God. From “day-in-the-life of a Proverbs 31 woman” to “Proverbs 31 women challenges,” which show women who wake up at 4:30 am, strictly eat homemade meals, take time to deep clean, and more. While these are amazing habits to build, it is not realistic for all women all the time, and at a certain point, when does it become performative?
We have seen the “that Christian girl” trend, as well as the “Proverbs 31 woman.” However, the Bible tells us this:
“But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:17-18 ESV)
I like to apply this teaching about fasting to the Proverbs 31 woman, too. I think there is more beauty to glorifying God in private rather than using it to grow a platform. Do I believe that these women have the intention of showing how they glorify God just to grow their platform? No, and I do want to express my gratitude towards them for putting God’s word out there, even if it’s done in this method. But this is the way I, and many others receive it. Unfortunately, there will always be the question of how much of what someone is showing on the internet is found to be true.
What Women Shouldn’t Take Away from Proverbs 31
Once again, Proverbs 31 is NOT an instruction manual. You do not need to wake up early or make every meal from scratch to be a God fearing woman.
I think it’s beautiful that these trends have encouraged good habits for many women, but we need to be careful that we are not trying to fit into a mold that the internet has created. If you are a woman who loves Jesus and is trying to find new ways to glorify Him every day, you already are a Proverbs 31 woman.
Again, these habits are amazing, and we should indeed treat our bodies as a temple. But remember the “Proverbs 31 woman” trend is almost on par with the “that Christian girl” trend, which derived from the “that girl” or “it girl” trends. My point is, be aware of glorifying the world versus the word. It’s understandable to look for inspiration and find a community of women who are on the same path as you, but remind yourself that this journey is about God and you, and it’s not a trend.
Additionally, not all women have the luxury of waking up before dawn or living an “aesthetic” Christian girl life. By creating trends out of the word, we are setting a standard that if we do not follow this implied “to-do list,” then we are not Proverbs 31 women. And that we are not doing enough as women of God. But that is far from the truth. I’m not saying that the women who participate in these trends are intentionally pushing this narrative, but other women can consume it that way.
According to research, 88% of women claim that they compare themselves when using social media platforms. This is over 20% higher than the number of men who compare themselves. When it comes to internet usage, women are more susceptible to struggling with depression, versus men who are more susceptible to struggling with addiction. A huge factor in that is because of comparison.
I believe that it is our responsibility as followers of Christ to not perpetuate these statistics within our community by forming trends out of the word.
What God Fearing People Should Take Away from Proverbs 31
Another reminder, Proverbs 31 was written for men and encourages them to praise a true woman of God. But I do think both women and men can take something away from Proverbs 31.
A Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who seeks God every day and obeys the word. She is peaceful. She is known not by her beauty, but by the Holy Spirit that dwells within her. How do you become a Proverbs 31 woman?
Chase God in everything that you do. As a woman who loves Proverbs 31, I can tell you that it’s not hard to be a Proverbs 31 woman. God does not look at our resume; instead, He looks at our hearts. The more time I spend with God, the more I love Him, and the more he pushes me to obey His word. It gradually becomes immensely easier to follow the word just by spending time in prayer, worship, and the Bible. Our good deeds on earth do not matter:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV)
Therefore, there is only one right way to be a Proverbs 31 woman: Put your faith in Jesus, and chase after Him. Actions that glorify God come naturally to those who truly lay down their life for Him. When you surrender your life to Him, you are opening the door for the Holy Spirit to dwell in you. God’s got you from there. It’s not hard to tell if the Holy Spirit dwells within a person, just by the fruit of their character.
Again, the habits encouraged by Proverbs 31 are great, but it’s not what will make you a Proverbs 31 woman. The presence of God in your life, heart, and soul is the only thing that will make you a Proverbs 31 woman.